Awkward dinner dates
by I Can't Decide On A Username
Summary: Sollux and Eridan go on a date. However inconceivable it seems, it happened, and Eridan just had to go and take Sollux out to the fanciest place in town. Rated T because of clear sexual references. Oneshot.


p style="text-align: center;"strongI can't believe I'm posting 2 different stories within days of eachother. It hasn't even been a week I don't think! This is record time for me! Anyway, on with the story/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: center;"strong***/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Sollux lounged up against the wall to his communal hive stem, wearing an outfit that was slightly fancier than his normal one, although not by much. His top was inverted colours, the top being yellow and the sign on it being black. He was wearing a jacket, which was also black but with yellow edgings. His lower half was all the same. He wasn't spending his time going over an outfit for a date with Eridan Fucking Ampora./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Yes, Sollux Captor, yellow-blooded computer whiz who spent his time inside tending bees was going on a date with Eridan Asshole Ampora, the violet blooded sea dweller who had dedicated his life to killing all the land dwellers and moping after Feferi. Sollux didn't really believe it himself, and it seemed the asshole himself didn't either, as he had yet to arrive./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Sollux ate his words quicker than expected, as a shiny black-and-purple limo came around the corner and parked up outside. Sollux pushed himself off the wall, ignoring how others stared at the vehicle as the mid-blooded driver opened the door for the Prince of Dickheads. Said dickhead prince stepped out of the limo like he owned the place - knowing him he probably could - grabbed Sollux's collar and pulled him into a surprise kiss, to the surprise of the nosy onlookers./p  
p class="MsoNormal"The violet-blooded asshole was currently wearing a purple suit with a black shirt underneath and a little purple bow-tie. He looked ridiculous, but out of the two he was the one who looked the fanciest. The kiss ended as they both came up for air./p  
p class="MsoNormal""You're late."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""You're an asshole, although I guess that can't be fixed either." Sollux scowled, but followed Eridan into the limo, realising as soon as he stepped in that he was probably going to enjoy the journey a little more than the destination./p  
p class="MsoNormal"In the doors of the limo, there were a significant selection of drinks, presented in wine bottles (Nothing was really alcoholic, even Eridan couldn't get around that law), there was so much room that they could both lie down with all limbs extended outwards and there would still be plenty of floor space, but best of all was the huge flat-screen TV that was attached to the wall between them and the driver./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Holy 2hiit ED how fancy can you get Jegu2." Sollux could practically taste Eridan's smirk, and it wasn't just from the earlier kiss. Sollux looked around for the TV remote./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Lookin for this?" Sollux looked over to where Eridan was waving about a purple, rectangular object, with many shiny, fancy buttons on it. Sollux reached out for the remote only for it to be held out of his reach./p  
p class="MsoNormal""That's not gonna happen Sol." Sollux disagreed, leaning over the other troll in attempts to reach the remote, but he was still a little too far away. He grunted in dissatisfaction, however allowing Eridan to guide him into a kiss, wrapping his arms round the violet-blood's waist as said violet-blood tangled his fingers in Sollux's hair, daring to give one of Sollux's horns a little stroke. Sollux pulled back immediately./p  
p class="MsoNormal""What the fuck do you think you're doiing ED?" Sollux frowned. Eridan smirked back in return./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Wwhat does it look like I'm doin?"/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Don't be an a22hole, ED. You know what that 2hiit does and we don't have tiime or...equiipment to do that." Eridan reached under his seat and pulled out a purple bucket. "Okay, we've got equiipment, but we 2ure a2 hell don't have tiime unle22 we're goiing to the end2 of fuckiing Alterniia."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""I'vve told the drivver to take the scenic route."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well Ii gue22 there'2 no excu2e now, ii2 there?" Eridan shook his head quickly before Sollux crashed their lips together and resumed what they started./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"***/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"Sollux stared out of the window at the street just beyond it, filled with more highbloods than he thought lived on Alternia, let alone in one area. They were all fancily dressed and looked like assholes in general. On any other day, he would be insulting them, how damn posh they all were, but given the situation, it was making Sollux more than just a little nervous./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck ED where are we even fuckiing goiing." Sollux tore his eyes away from the wall of blue just outside the window and looked at his companion, who looked very calm despite Sollux being the exact opposite./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Just a restaurant, nothin big, wwhy, you scared of eatin dinner noww Sol?" Eridan taunted him but Sollux wasn't prepared to give enough fucks to come up with a response, instead opting to turn back to the window and worry./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Sol? Sol, seriously it's no big deal, just let me do all the talkin." Sollux grunted in response to Eridan's very conciliatory response to his silence./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Finally, they arrived, the limo stopping outside of what seemed to be the fanciest place imaginable, with only the darkest of blues and the odd purple here and there. Great. The driver opened the door on Eridan's side, allowing him to step out like he owned the place, although this went by more unnoticed than last time. It was when Sollux stepped out, however, that people's stares turned to them, and unlike last time there were grabby hands, shouts of "This one would fetch a good price" and other similar things. Sollux yelped as he was pulled away from Eridan, only to be snatched back by said sea dweller./p  
p class="MsoNormal""This one's mine, fuck off all a' you." At once, those grabby hands returned back to their owners' sides, with apologies muttered by a few who bothered, but not all. They could all go fuck themselves, in Sollux's opinion. Why did he even agree to go on this stupid date anyway? Why didn't he just say "Let's go round one of our houses and fuck" or something along those lines. This was stupid./p  
p class="MsoNormal"They entered the fancy restaurant, which was just as uncomfortable as the streets. Sollux immediately saw that most of the waiters and waitresses were either mid-bloods (But on the high end) or teal bloods. Great. Eridan led him up to where a teal blooded waitress lady found their reservation and led them off to a table, glancing suspiciously at Sollux the whole time, and it wasn't even a surprise when she whispered in Eridan's ear and made him so fucking pissed off./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Wwhat do you mean, is he fuckin blackmailin me! Do you evven knoww wwhat my fuckin blood colour means? It means I do wwhat I fuckin wwant, so wwhen I wwalk into a fuckin restaurant wwith someone that's because I wwant them to fuckin be there! So no, he isn't botherin me, and you wwill not try and kick him out under my fuckin nose!" Gripping Sollux's hand tightly, he stormed off, seeming to know where he was going as he led the way whilst the teal blood tried to catch up, out of breath with both running and apologies./p  
p class="MsoNormal"They went into the VIP area without a fuss, going straight to the back where they entered a little room with a table set for two, although by the amount of knives and forks it looked like it was set for fifty. Eridan slammed the door in the teal blood's face, cutting off her apologies as he spun Sollux into a wall and kissed him deeply./p  
p class="MsoNormal""...Fuckin assholes." They broke apart for air, and Sollux had to say he agreed with his disgruntled companion./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Ii wa2 under the iimpre22iion that all hiigh blood2 were a22hole2." Eridan kissed him again, although for less time before breaking apart and sitting down at the table. Sollux followed him and sat opposite, both picking up the menu together./p  
p class="MsoNormal""The fuck ii2 thii2?" Sollux peered down at the mysterious food names presented in front of him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""It's a menu Sol. I expected you to knoww wwhat that wwas at least." Sollux scowled back at him./p  
p class="MsoNormal""A22hole, Ii mean what the fuck kiinda restaurant ii2 thii2, 2eriiously Ii don't 2ee anythiing here that 2ound2 even remotely liike food what the fuck." Eridan sighed and shook his head, reaching over and plucking the menu out of Sollux's hands and putting it back where it originated./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Fine, I'll order for you then, see if I care." Eridan's response was a little half-hearted, which was made all the more evident when Sollux put his elbows on the table./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Oh my fuckin glub Sol, did your lusus evver teach you fuckin manners?! Get your elbowws off the table right noww or I swear to glub I'm not taking you out evver again." Sollux kept his elbows on the table, raising an eyebrow at the sea dweller. "Okay, maybe I wwill, but howw aboat if you at least pretend like you havve manners I'll make it wworth your wwhile."/p  
p class="MsoNormal""You would anyway, a22hole." Even so, Sollux took his elbows off the table and put them in his lap. Soon a waitress entered, apologising for how the teal blood treated them, but Eridan brushed it off like it was nothing. This waitress at least acknowledged Sollux in a more neutral way, which he preferred to all the talk of being sold. Eridan told her the jargon names of the meals Sollux was probably going to have to pretend to enjoy and the waitress promptly apologised again and left, taking the menus with her./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Well at lea2t thii2 one diidn't giive me a diirty look." Sollux went to lean back in his chair but decided he wouldn't be able to stand Eridan's whining if he did./p  
p class="MsoNormal""None of them should givve you any sorta look, not wwhile you're wwith me." Eridan mumbled in the general direction of the tablecloth. Sollux decided not to say any of the many comebacks he could give to that, instead opting to look around the room. It was nicely decorated, with wallpaper that faded up from blue into purple, probably to make all their customers feel at home. The carpet was black, no pattern or anything, just black, which coincidently was the exact same 'pattern' that the ceiling had, in the same shade as well. There were no windows to this room, only mood lighting. Sollux decided that the mood it was giving off was one of not being able to see very well because it was so damn dark even Terezi would've complained./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Eventually three waiters came in, two with food, one with drinks, since the plates were so big it didn't look as if anyone would have a tray big enough, let alone one you could actually pick up and hold. Sollux held his tongue until the waiters were gone./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Holy 2hiit, how much do they expect us two eat?" Sollux looked down at the huge meal./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Sol, you do realise that this is the starter, right?" If Sollux was drinking something at that moment, he would've spat it out./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Holy 2hiit! How biig are hiigh blood'2 2tomach2 Jegus." Sollux looked over at the lined up knives and forks. "And how many fuckiing kniive2 and fork2 do they need!" Sollux picked up a fork at random, only to have Eridan smack it out of his hand and pass him one of the other completely identical forks. Sollux sighed and started at his huge 'starter'/p  
p class="MsoNormal""What even ii2 thii2 need for more than one fork anyway?" Sollux looked over at Eridan, who looked like he was in his element, cutting up all his food into tiny pieces like he was an old person who couldn't chew./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Each knife and fork is designed wwith each indivvidual meal in mind. I wwouldn't expect you to get it, Sol." Sollux half-heartedly scowled at the violet blood and went back to eating, hoping the main was smaller than this./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"***/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center" /p  
p class="MsoNormal"Sollux staggered into Eridan's fancy ass limo, groaning as he lay down on the seat. Eridan perched at the end, looking more than a little annoyed but not saying anything./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck, Ii'm never doiing anythiing liike that ever agaiin, Jegu2." Sollux rolled over on the seat, managing not to fall on the floor but looking dangerously close to it./p  
p class="MsoNormal""It wwasn't that bad." Sollux muttered something in response. Eridan didn't care enough to ask him what he said. Sollux dangled his arm beneath the seat, appearing to be searching for something./p  
p class="MsoNormal""ED, Ii'm a22umiing you brought a 2pare bucket, 2o where the fuck ii2 iit." Eridan perked up immediately at this, dropping down to the floor and taking out a bucket from a seemingly empty space beneath the seats. He turned back to look at Sollux, his gleeful look turning soft and questioning for a moment./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Hey, Sol, you alright doin this?" Sollux sighed./p  
p class="MsoNormal""Ye2, and iif you don't hurry up and get over here riight now Ii'm not doiing thii2." Sollux hefted himself up into a seated position, and Eridan hurried over and sat in his lap, immediately attaching their faces in a deep kiss./p 


End file.
